Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
