I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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