It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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