I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
