THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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