I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
