I didn't shave. On purpose
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
