i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
