This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
