Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
