wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
