the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
