before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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