I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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