After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
