i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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