I just made out with a guy for $7.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
