i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
