so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize