Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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