Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
