Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
