singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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