So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
