Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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