She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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