i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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