I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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