Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
