I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
