She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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