i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
