champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
