Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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