OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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