perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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