I wish I could teleport
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
