their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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