I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So vagazzling was a success
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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