The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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