Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need moral support for this bender
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
