Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
