Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
