Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
