Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
