Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
