literally had 100 drinks last night.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize