Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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