Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
