I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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