For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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