yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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