I'm lost and stupid without you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
then he tried to convert me to islam
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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