The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
