when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we have officially lost it.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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