she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
