I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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