a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
