We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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