I could make wine with my vomit
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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