3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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