i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
