I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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