yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
COCAINE IS GR8
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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