Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No subtext here. People are naked.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
