I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
