Your tits are I can't wait for
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
