Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They have beer where we have blood.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
