Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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