He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm really busy with my period
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
